Every married couple will face moments when one spouse desires intimacy and the other does not. How a no is spoken, and how it is received, says a great deal about the health of a marriage. This lesson addresses both sides: saying no with love and hearing no with grace. It also addresses something more serious, which is what to do when no is not respected.
Consent is always required
This needs to be stated plainly. Marriage does not remove the need for consent. Every act of intimacy between spouses must be freely chosen by both. Pope Paul VI taught that a conjugal act imposed on one's spouse without regard to his or her condition or reasonable wishes is not a true act of love (Humanae Vitae 13). Pope Francis repeats this teaching and acknowledges that within marriage itself, sex can become a source of suffering and manipulation (Amoris Laetitia 154).
He also writes that every form of sexual submission must be clearly rejected, including mistaken readings of Saint Paul's words to wives (Amoris Laetitia 156). That passage begins with "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21) and calls husbands to love as Christ loved the Church, giving himself up. In Christian marriage, submission never means domination.
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Sources
- CCC 2383 Catechism of the Catholic Church, Separation of spouses
- CCC 2337 Catechism of the Catholic Church, Chastity and the integrity of the person
- Humanae Vitae 13 Humanae Vitae (Paul VI, 1968), Faithfulness to God's design
- Amoris Laetitia 154-156 Amoris Laetitia (Francis, 2016), Violence and manipulation, submission rejected
- Ephesians 5:21-33 Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind