When desire fades, couples often jump to the worst explanation: we have fallen out of love, or something is wrong with one of us. Usually the reasons are much more ordinary. Desire is sensitive to how a person is living, sleeping, feeling and relating. Before you draw any conclusions about your marriage, look honestly at the everyday factors below.
Stress and mental load
A mind full of deadlines, bills, worries about children or aging parents has little room left for closeness. Stress keeps the body in a state of alertness that works against relaxation. In many homes one spouse also carries most of the invisible planning: appointments, meals, schedules, remembering who needs what. That mental load is draining, and it can quietly push desire away. Sharing it more fairly is not only a matter of justice. It is often an act of romance.
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Sources
- CCC 1642 Catechism of the Catholic Church, Christ the source of grace for spouses
- CCC 2362 Catechism of the Catholic Church, Sexual pleasure and union in marriage
- Amoris Laetitia 104-108 Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis, Love forgives
- Ephesians 4:26 Do not let the sun go down on your anger
- CCC 1422-1470 Catechism of the Catholic Church, The sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation