If you are the spouse who usually wants intimacy less often, you may carry your own quiet burden. You may feel guilty, broken, or constantly behind. You may dread bedtime because it feels like a test you keep failing. Hear this clearly: lower desire is not a moral failing, and it does not mean you love your spouse less. Many faithful, loving spouses experience desire mostly in a responsive way, or go through long seasons when it is quiet.
Not a defect
The Church does not measure holiness by frequency of intimacy, and it does not ask anyone to manufacture feelings. What the Church asks of every spouse is genuine love, faithfulness and openness to self giving (CCC 2360-2363). Desire itself is not under your direct command. Your choices, your attention and your honesty are. That is good news, because it means there is something you can do that does not depend on forcing a feeling.
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Sources
- CCC 2360-2363 Catechism of the Catholic Church, The love of husband and wife
- CCC 2337 Catechism of the Catholic Church, The integrity of the person
- Amoris Laetitia 154 Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis, Rejecting sexual submission
- Humanae Vitae 13 Humanae Vitae, Paul VI, Faithfulness to God's design
- 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 The mutual gift of husband and wife