Why faith matters in marriage counseling
Church teachingCouples who seek help often worry that a counselor will treat their vows as negotiable or their beliefs about children and sexuality as a problem to fix. A Catholic counselor starts from a different place. The Church teaches that Christ himself is the source of the grace of marriage, that he dwells with the spouses and gives them strength to take up their crosses, rise after falls, forgive one another and bear one another's burdens.
That does not make every difficulty spiritual. Communication habits, stress, past wounds and health problems are real and need practical work. But a counselor who shares your understanding of Catholic marriage as a lifelong covenant can help you work on those things without asking you to set your faith aside.
Christ is the source of this grace. "Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony."
What couples bring to a consultation
Pastoral guidanceThe reasons are as varied as marriages are. Some of the most common:
- Arguments that repeat without resolution, or a long silence that has replaced arguing.
- Different levels of desire, or intimacy that has faded after children, illness or years of stress.
- Broken trust, including pornography use. Our guide to healing from porn explains the path many couples take.
- Disagreement about family size and how to use natural family planning.
- The adjustment after a baby, a move, a job loss or caring for a parent.
Pope Francis writes that dialogue in marriage is the fruit of a long and demanding apprenticeship. A consultation is a guided step in that apprenticeship, with a professional who can name patterns you cannot see from inside.
Dialogue is essential for experiencing, expressing and fostering love in marriage and family life. Yet it can only be the fruit of a long and demanding apprenticeship. Men and women, young people and adults, communicate differently. They speak different languages and they act in different ways.
Consultation, ongoing therapy and a retreat compared
It helps to be clear about what kind of help you need. A quarterly consultation fits some situations well and others not at all.
| Quarterly consultation in the Couples Program | Ongoing therapy with a local counselor | Marriage retreat | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Frequency | One 30 minute video call every 3 months | Usually weekly or every two weeks | Once, over a day or weekend |
| Best for | Guidance, a second opinion, NFP or intimacy questions, checking progress | Deep or long standing problems, trauma, addiction | Renewal and time away together |
| Between sessions | Guided 8 week programs, exercises, conversation cards | Homework set by the therapist | Follow up depends on the organizer |
| Crisis or safety concerns | Not suitable, seek local help | Suitable with a licensed professional | Not suitable |
| Cost | Included in $49 a month or $24 a month yearly | Per session, varies by region | Per retreat |
When you need more than a consultation
Pastoral guidanceWe want to be plain about this. The consultation in the Couples Program is a private conversation with a Catholic professional. It is not a replacement for ongoing licensed therapy, and it is not crisis care. If there is violence, threats, abuse, thoughts of self harm or a situation where someone is unsafe, contact local emergency services or a crisis line at once, and then a licensed counselor near you.
The Church itself recognizes that there are situations where living together becomes practically impossible, and it permits physical separation for safety while the spouses remain married. No one is asked to stay in danger. Your priest can also help you find local Catholic counselors and support.
Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons. In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union.
How the Couples Program supports counseling
Pastoral guidanceCounseling works best when couples keep practicing between sessions. The Couples Program is built for that. It includes five guided 8 week programs: Rekindle, Libido Mismatch, Postpartum Intimacy, Rebuilding Trust after Porn and Engaged, Preparing for the Wedding Night. Each week has a lesson, an exercise and conversation cards that make hard topics easier to raise.
You also get one private 30 minute video consultation every 3 months (4 a year on yearly) with a Catholic therapist, a Catholic sex therapist or an NFP instructor, everything in Membership (the library, courses and the monthly live expert Q&A) and Ask with Sources with 300 questions a month. Two logins, one plan, $49 a month or $24 a month billed yearly ($288). There is no free plan, and you can cancel at the end of any paid period.
Couples Program
For a couple who wants guided programs and a counselor. Two logins, one plan.
$24 /month
Billed $288 yearly, or $49 billed monthly
Choose the Couples Program- Five guided 8 week programs, including Engaged
- Completion certificate listing every module
- One private 30 minute video consultation every 3 months
- Catholic therapist, sex therapist or NFP instructor
- Ask with Sources, 300 questions a month
- Full library, courses and monthly live Q&A
Hope for a marriage that feels stuck
Pastoral guidancePope Francis writes that in long marriages the first decision has to be renewed often, and that spouses can find joy in choosing each other again even when early feelings have changed. Many couples who reach out for help are not at the end of their marriage. They are at a point where it needs attention.
If that is where you are, start small: one honest conversation, one week of a program, one consultation. Faith, practical skill and patience together can restore a great deal. When you are ready, see the pricing or read more about Catholic intimacy and marriage.
Longer life spans now mean that close and exclusive relationships must last for four, five or even six decades; consequently, the initial decision has to be frequently renewed.
Sources
Every source below is linked to the full text on vatican.va or usccb.org. Quotations are short and given word for word.
-
CCC 1642 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 1642 (The Sacrament of Matrimony)
Christ is the source of the grace of marriage. He dwells with the spouses and gives them the strength to take up their crosses, rise after falls, forgive one another, bear one another's burdens and love with a supernatural, tender and fruitful love.
Read the source -
CCC 1644 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 1644 (The Sacrament of Matrimony)
The love of the spouses requires by its nature the unity and indissolubility of their community of persons, which embraces their entire life. They are no longer two, but one flesh, and are called to grow continually in their communion.
Read the source -
CCC 1649 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 1649 (The Sacrament of Matrimony)
There are situations in which living together becomes practically impossible. In such cases the Church permits physical separation of the couple; the spouses do not cease to be husband and wife and are not free to contract a new union.
Read the source -
AL 136 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 136 (2016)
Dialogue is essential for experiencing, expressing and fostering love in marriage and family life, but it is the fruit of a long and demanding apprenticeship, because men and women communicate differently.
Read the source -
AL 163 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 163 (2016)
Longer lives mean relationships must last for decades and the initial decision must be renewed often. Even when intense sexual desire is no longer felt by one spouse, the other can still find joy in belonging to each other and choosing each other again.
Read the source -
FC 33 Magisterium
Pope John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio 33 (1981)
In conjugal morality the Church is Teacher and Mother. She proclaims the moral norm for the responsible transmission of life and, as a mother, stays close to couples in difficulty, helping them with understanding and patience on a path of growth.
Read the source