Why some couples look for a Catholic sex therapist
Pastoral guidanceSexual difficulties are common in marriage and rarely talked about. Many Catholic couples hesitate to see a secular therapist because they fear the advice will include pornography, masturbation or contraception, or will treat their commitment to natural family planning as the problem. A Catholic sex therapist works with the same clinical knowledge, but within the moral framework you already hold.
That framework is generous, not narrow. The Church teaches that the acts by which spouses are united are noble and honorable, and that husband and wife do nothing wrong in seeking pleasure and joy in their union. Pope Francis writes that God created sexuality as a marvellous gift. Help with your sexual life is not a lapse in faith. It is care for something good.
Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them.
Common reasons couples ask for help
Medical information- Mismatched desire. One spouse wants intimacy more often than the other, and both feel hurt by it.
- Pain during intercourse. Pain has physical causes that a doctor should assess, such as dryness after birth or during breastfeeding, menopause, infection, endometriosis or muscle tension. Therapy works alongside medical care, not instead of it.
- Anxiety and the wedding night. Newly married couples sometimes find the first months harder than expected. This is normal and usually improves with patience and good information.
- After a baby. Exhaustion, healing and hormonal change affect desire. Our guide to intimacy after birth covers the first months.
- Pornography and trust. Recovery affects both spouses and often needs both therapy and spiritual support.
- Erectile or climax difficulties. These often have medical contributors, so a doctor's check is part of good care.
If pain, bleeding or a sudden change appears, see your doctor first. A therapist can then help with the emotional and relational side.
Advice that stays within Church teaching
Church teachingTwo principles guide a Catholic sex therapist. First, the unitive and procreative meanings of the marriage act belong together, so advice does not include contraception or climax outside intercourse. Second, intimacy must be free and loving. Pope Francis is direct that a conjugal act imposed on a spouse without regard for his or her condition or reasonable wishes is no true act of love.
Within those principles there is wide freedom. The Church has no specific teaching on many practical questions, and faithful moral theologians generally hold that affection and foreplay are good when they lead to and are completed in intercourse. Our is it a sin answers explain where the Church teaches directly and where theologians apply principles, so you can bring clear questions to your consultation.
We also know that, within marriage itself, sex can become a source of suffering and manipulation.
A single consultation or ongoing sex therapy
Knowing which you need saves time and money. The table compares the consultation in the Couples Program with ongoing treatment.
| Consultation in the Couples Program | Ongoing sex therapy with a local therapist | |
|---|---|---|
| Format | Private 30 minute video call every 3 months | Regular sessions, often weekly |
| Good for | Assessment, guidance, a plan, questions you cannot ask elsewhere | Long standing problems, trauma, compulsive behavior |
| Between sessions | Guided 8 week programs and exercises for couples | Exercises set by the therapist |
| Medical problems | Advice to see a doctor | Works with your doctor |
| Faith | Always within Catholic teaching | Depends on the therapist you choose |
| Cost | Included in $49 a month or $24 a month yearly | Per session |
What the Couples Program includes
Pastoral guidanceThe Couples Program gives you one private 30 minute video consultation every 3 months (4 a year on yearly) with a Catholic sex therapist, a Catholic therapist or an NFP instructor, whichever fits your question. Between consultations you follow five guided 8 week programs, including Libido Mismatch, Postpartum Intimacy, Rekindle and Rebuilding Trust after Porn, each with weekly exercises and conversation cards.
The plan also includes everything in Membership (the library, courses and the monthly live expert Q&A) and Ask with Sources with 300 questions a month, answered from Church documents with paragraph numbers. Two logins, one plan, $49 a month or $24 a month billed yearly ($288). There is no free plan.
The consultation is not a replacement for ongoing licensed therapy, and it is not crisis care. If you need regular treatment, use it to get a clear picture and then find a licensed therapist near you.
Couples Program
For a couple who wants guided programs and a counselor. Two logins, one plan.
$24 /month
Billed $288 yearly, or $49 billed monthly
Choose the Couples Program- Five guided 8 week programs, including Engaged
- Completion certificate listing every module
- One private 30 minute video consultation every 3 months
- Catholic therapist, sex therapist or NFP instructor
- Ask with Sources, 300 questions a month
- Full library, courses and monthly live Q&A
Talking about it together
Pastoral guidancePope Francis writes that training the passions does not destroy the spontaneity of sexual love, and that sexuality is an interpersonal language in which the other is taken seriously in his or her dignity. Most sexual difficulties in marriage ease when couples learn to speak that language with patience, honesty and humor.
A therapist can start that conversation, but it continues at home. If you are ready, choose the Couples Program on the pricing page, or read more about catholic intimacy first.
To those who fear that the training of the passions and of sexuality detracts from the spontaneity of sexual love, Saint John Paul II replied that human persons are “called to full and mature spontaneity in their relationships”, a maturity that “is the gradual fruit of a discernment of the impulses of one’s own heart”.
Sources
Every source below is linked to the full text on vatican.va or usccb.org. Quotations are short and given word for word.
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CCC 2362 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 2362 (The Sixth Commandment)
The acts by which spouses are intimately and chastely united are noble and honorable, and fully human sexual union enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude. Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment, while keeping within the limits of just moderation.
Read the source -
CCC 2363 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 2363 (The Sixth Commandment)
The spouses' union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings, unitive and procreative, cannot be separated without altering the spiritual life of the couple and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.
Read the source -
AL 150 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 150 (2016)
God himself created sexuality, a marvellous gift to his creatures. Sexual desire is not something to be looked down upon, and there can be no attempt to call its necessity into question; the Church does not merely tolerate sexuality as necessary for procreation.
Read the source -
AL 151 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 151 (2016)
Training the passions does not destroy the spontaneity of sexual love. Persons are called to full and mature spontaneity, and sexuality is not a means of gratification or entertainment but an interpersonal language in which the other is taken seriously in his or her dignity.
Read the source -
AL 154 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 154 (2016)
Within marriage itself sex can become a source of suffering and manipulation. A conjugal act imposed on one's spouse without regard to his or her condition or personal and reasonable wishes is no true act of love, and acts proper to the sexual union must respect the dignity of the spouse.
Read the source -
HV 12 Magisterium
Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae 12 (1968)
The teaching rests on the inseparable connection, established by God, between the unitive and procreative meanings of the marriage act. By safeguarding both, the act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its ordination to parenthood.
Read the source