For many couples, the last area to heal after pornography is marital intimacy itself. The betrayed spouse may feel unsafe, compared or used. The recovering spouse may feel ashamed, anxious, or unsure how to approach their spouse without causing more pain. Both may wonder whether closeness can ever feel natural again. It can. But it usually returns slowly, and it is worth letting it return the right way.
What intimacy is for
The Church teaches that the sexual union of husband and wife is "noble and honorable" and that the pleasure spouses find in it is good (CCC 2362). The marital act is meant to express the total gift of self, open to life and uniting the spouses in love (CCC 2363). Pornography teaches the opposite: using rather than giving, watching rather than meeting. Restoring intimacy means relearning that the person in front of you is a gift, not a means to an end. Saint John Paul II spoke of this as learning to see the body as expressing the person and calling for love.
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Sources
- CCC 2362 Catechism of the Catholic Church, Sexual pleasure in marriage
- CCC 2363 Catechism of the Catholic Church, The twofold end of marriage
- CCC 1642 Catechism of the Catholic Church, The grace of the sacrament of matrimony
- TOB 1979-1984, Man and Woman He Created Them Theology of the Body, General Audiences of John Paul II
- Song of Songs 8:6 Song of Songs