How to think about the question "Is it a sin"

Many couples bring one question to every conversation about intimacy: "Is it a sin?" It is a good question, because it comes from wanting to please God. But it is often asked in a way that produces either fear or shrugging. This lesson gives you the framework the Church herself uses, so the rest of this track makes sense and you can think clearly about your own situation.

Three questions about any act

The Catechism teaches that the morality of a human act depends on three things (CCC 1750). First, the object, meaning what is actually chosen, the act itself considered in its nature. Second, the intention, the purpose for which a person acts. Third, the circumstances, which can increase or lessen the goodness or evil of an act (CCC 1754).

• A good intention cannot make an act good whose object is disordered. The end does not justify the means (CCC 1753, 1756).
• A bad intention can spoil an act that is otherwise good, such as an act of affection used to manipulate.
• Circumstances cannot change the moral kind of an act, but they do affect responsibility (CCC 1754).

This is why the Church can say that certain acts are wrong in themselves regardless of motive (CCC 1756), while also saying that the guilt of a particular person may be greatly reduced.

Grave matter, knowledge and consent

The Church distinguishes mortal and venial sin. For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must all be present: grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent (CCC 1857). Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments (CCC 1858). Full knowledge means knowing that the act is sinful and opposed to God's law, and deliberate consent means a choice that is personal enough to be truly one's own (CCC 1859).

Responsibility can be diminished or even removed by ignorance, inadvertence, duress, fear, habit, inordinate attachments and other psychological or social factors (CCC 1735). Unintentional ignorance can lessen or remove imputability, though no one is presumed ignorant of the basic principles of the moral law written in every conscience (CCC 1860).

So "Is it a sin?" really contains two questions. Is this act objectively right or wrong? And how responsible am I for what I did? The first has a clear answer in many areas of marital life. The second is often best answered with a confessor who knows you.

Two ditches beside the road

Spiritual writers have long warned against two opposite errors.

Scrupulosity sees sin everywhere, doubts every confession, and turns the marriage bed into a place of anxiety. It can treat ordinary affection, pleasure or a passing thought as grave offenses. The Church teaches that sexual pleasure within the marital act is good and willed by the Creator (CCC 2362). A scrupulous person often needs firm guidance from one regular confessor and sometimes help from a counselor.

Laxity assumes that sincere feelings settle every question, or that what is common must be acceptable. It treats the Church's teaching as an ideal for others. This also harms a marriage, because it quietly removes the help that the moral law offers to love.

The healthy path is a conscience that is formed by the Church's teaching, honest about its own weakness, and confident in God's mercy.

How to use this track

The lessons that follow treat common questions: contraception, incomplete acts, masturbation, medical situations, fertility testing, sterilization, and conscience. In each one we will try to mark clearly three different kinds of statement.

1. Church teaching, with references to the Catechism and official documents.
2. Theological opinion, where faithful moral theologians differ or where the Church has not ruled on a specific detail.
3. Medical information, which belongs to your physician and which we present cautiously.

No article can replace a conversation with a priest about your own case. When your situation is complicated, bring it to confession or ask for a pastoral conversation.

A question to talk about

Sit together and ask each other honestly: do we tend more toward fear or toward carelessness when it comes to our intimate life? Then pray together for a conscience that is both well formed and at peace, trusting the One who "desires all men to be saved" (1 Timothy 2:4).