The Church has no rule about positions
Church teachingMany Catholics have heard, often from older relatives or rumor, that the Church allows only one position for married intercourse. That is not Church teaching. No Catechism paragraph, encyclical or council document gives a list of permitted or forbidden positions. The Church has no specific teaching on positions at all.
What the Church does teach is the meaning of the act. The Catechism calls the acts by which spouses are intimately and chastely united noble and honorable, and says that spouses do nothing evil in seeking pleasure and enjoyment in their union. Pope Francis writes in Amoris Laetitia that the erotic dimension of love is a gift from God that enriches the relationship of the spouses, not a burden to be tolerated.
So the question is not which position is allowed, but whether the act as a whole is what married love is meant to be.
Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them.
The principles that do apply
Church teachingThe same principles that settle every question in our is it a sin section apply here. They come straight from the Catechism and Humanae Vitae.
- Mutual and free. A conjugal act imposed on a spouse without regard for his or her condition or reasonable wishes is no true act of love. Neither spouse should ever be pressured into something uncomfortable, painful or unwanted.
- Completed in intercourse. Whatever the position, the marriage act is intercourse between husband and wife, not climax outside it.
- Open to life. The Church teaches that the unitive and procreative meanings belong together. No position changes that, and nothing should be done to make the act infertile.
- Respectful of the person. The body is a gift, never an object. Anything that turns a spouse into a means of gratification goes against love, whatever form it takes.
When these principles are kept, couples have wide freedom. Variety is not a sign of disordered desire, and preference for what is simple and familiar is not a sign of coldness. Both are fine.
| Question | Morally relevant | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Which position we choose | No | No teaching on positions exists |
| Whether both spouses are free and comfortable | Yes | Humanae Vitae 13, Amoris Laetitia 154 |
| Whether the act is completed in intercourse | Yes | CCC 2363, Humanae Vitae 12 |
| Whether the act is made infertile | Yes | CCC 2370, Humanae Vitae 14 |
Why older advice was stricter
Theological opinionSome older moral manuals and some preachers recommended one position as the most natural, and occasionally treated others as less fitting. This was theological opinion, often shaped by the medical assumptions of its time, and it was never defined doctrine. Faithful moral theologians today commonly hold that position is a matter of the couple's freedom, comfort and prudence, and that the moral question lies in the principles above.
A few theologians still counsel restraint in seeking novelty for its own sake, warning, as Amoris Laetitia also does, that obsession with a single form of pleasure can weaken love. That is a caution about the heart, not a rule about the body, and couples are free to weigh it.
Comfort, health and pregnancy
Medical informationPractical considerations often matter more than moral ones. Back pain, joint problems, fatigue, recovery after surgery and pregnancy can all make some positions uncomfortable or unwise. During pregnancy, many women find that positions that avoid pressure on the abdomen are more comfortable as the weeks go on. Our answer on sex during pregnancy covers what doctors usually advise.
Pain during intercourse is never something to push through in silence. It can have many causes, from dryness to infection to pelvic floor problems, and most are treatable. Speak with your doctor, and adjust together in the meantime. After childbirth, see our guide to intimacy after birth.
Talking about it as a couple
Pastoral guidanceFor many couples the hardest part is not the moral question but the conversation. One spouse may want more variety, the other may feel shy or uncertain. Pope Francis notes that dialogue in marriage is a long apprenticeship, because men and women communicate differently.
Choose a calm moment outside the bedroom. Speak about what makes you feel close and loved rather than about techniques. Listen without defending. Agree that either of you can say no at any time without explanation. This kind of honesty is at the heart of Catholic intimacy, and it builds the trust that makes married love joyful.
In no way, then, can we consider the erotic dimension of love simply as a permissible evil or a burden to be tolerated for the good of the family. Rather, it must be seen as gift from God that enriches the relationship of the spouses.
Sources
Every source below is linked to the full text on vatican.va or usccb.org. Quotations are short and given word for word.
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CCC 2362 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 2362 (The Sixth Commandment)
The acts by which spouses are intimately and chastely united are noble and honorable, and fully human sexual union enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude. Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment, while keeping within the limits of just moderation.
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CCC 2363 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 2363 (The Sixth Commandment)
The spouses' union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings, unitive and procreative, cannot be separated without altering the spiritual life of the couple and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.
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CCC 2370 Doctrine
Catechism of the Catholic Church 2370 (The Sixth Commandment)
Periodic continence, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, conforms to the objective criteria of morality: these methods respect the spouses' bodies, encourage tenderness and foster freedom. By contrast, every action intended to render procreation impossible, before, during or after intercourse, is intrinsically evil.
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HV 12 Magisterium
Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae 12 (1968)
The teaching rests on the inseparable connection, established by God, between the unitive and procreative meanings of the marriage act. By safeguarding both, the act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its ordination to parenthood.
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HV 13 Magisterium
Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae 13 (1968)
A conjugal act imposed on one's spouse without regard for his or her condition or personal and reasonable wishes is no true act of love and offends the moral order. Likewise, an act of mutual love that impairs the capacity to transmit life contradicts God's design.
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HV 14 Magisterium
Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae 14 (1968)
Direct interruption of the generative process already begun, above all direct abortion, is excluded as a means of regulating births. Direct sterilization of man or woman, permanent or temporary, is equally condemned, as is any action before, during or after intercourse specifically intended to prevent procreation.
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AL 148 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 148 (2016)
Training emotions and instincts is necessary and sometimes requires limits. Excess, lack of control or obsession with a single form of pleasure can weaken and taint pleasure itself and damage family life.
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AL 152 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 152 (2016)
The erotic dimension of love can in no way be seen as a permissible evil or a burden to be tolerated; it is a gift from God that enriches the relationship of the spouses. As a passion sublimated by love respectful of the other's dignity, it becomes a pure affirmation revealing the marvels of the human heart.
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AL 154 Magisterium
Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia 154 (2016)
Within marriage itself sex can become a source of suffering and manipulation. A conjugal act imposed on one's spouse without regard to his or her condition or personal and reasonable wishes is no true act of love, and acts proper to the sexual union must respect the dignity of the spouse.
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